Thursday, November 5, 2009


I try to stay out of uber-political situations. Except when I see people being really, truly asinine. Then, I might just have something to say. Ok, we all know what's going on with this, as the president of the National Organization for Marriage so lovingly put it, "gay marriage thing." Obviously, recent events in Maine have been one more hit, and I'm noticing things starting to get a little ugly. It's all so very unfortunate, and I'd love to be able to apologize on behalf of all straights, but I can't, because 1.) it's not all of us 2.) I am not a part of this entity, and have no idea where I'd begin to apologize for a group who've made it perfectly clear that there are no apologies for standing in the way of others' basic human rights.

I don't say any of the following because I love me some gays (which I do) or because I find unfounded protests ridiculous (which I also do) but because I simply cannot understand what the problem is. Really. Will gay marriage lessen the integrity of your marriage? No. Why? Because a marriage is as valuable as the people involved allow it to be. This does not affect you in the slightest, other than the fact that it makes you uncomfortable, and that is soley your problem. I don't even understand the arguments.

1. Lets start with religion.
For every bible verse you quote that says that homosexuality is a sin, I'll find ten more giving reasons why you and I should have both been stoned to death by now. I've had premarital sex. I'd be toast if the Bible were followed literally. The Bible is a relevant work of spirituality and literature, but it was written a long time ago, and times have changed. We have to evolve as people and as a religion because, honey, everything else will, with or without us. You are quoting scriptures and totally missing the point: love thy neighbor. The Bible is a work of art, and the thing about art is that everyone interprets it differently to suit their psyche. Please stop talking about "God's plan." I'm tired of people throwing God under the bus to justify their own ignorance. Jesus' best friend was a prostitute. Lighten up.

2. The children issue.
Ok, so gay couples cannot naturally have children. So, what about infertile straight couples, or ones who choose to not have kids? Are you telling me their marriage is less sacred? No, you'd never say that. And I don't think I'm alone in saying that there are plenty of parents out there who never should've been able to add that to their resume. How many psychiatrists bought their second homes thanks to terminally fucked up children of bad parents? But they were straight, so that's ok, right? How many baby machines are living off of the government right now? Think of it this way, there will never be an 'oops' in a gay marriage. If a gay couple wants a child, they will have plenty of time to be damn sure because it will be an expensive, exhaustive, and worthwhile effort to get one.

3. The Sanctity of Marriage.
Please don't make me laugh. Preventing two consenting, committed adults from getting married for the sake of protecting marriage is the biggest fucking oxymoron since 'fashion knits.' Oh, but it's defined as being between a man and a woman, you say? Well, as a shareholder in this particular business, I'm worried about the 50% sucess rate, and think we should consider new management. I'm saying the straights are running this company into the ground and it may be time to bring in some new blood. Marriage has become a punchline. Look at all the movies about staged weddings, and botched weddings, etc. That a movie like "What Happens in Vegas" can be released in the recent past and sell tickets with this issue in the works totally boggles my mind. As a straight, I can run out and get married for any damn reason I want, as long as I have $40 for a license. I can marry you for your money, or my green card, or your health insurance, or your fame, or because I've always wanted a wedding, or because I'm trashed and there's a chapel open, or all of the above. And, at the end of the day, I have the final say over pulling the plug to your life? WHAT?!

Now I'm obviously not saying all marriages are shams. As I said before, the integrity of a marriage is soley based on the people involved. My parents have been married for 33 years and counting, and while things weren't always perfect, they were always strong, and they love eachother. I have a huge respect for marriage, which is why I feel that anyone who has the balls to attempt a lifelong commitment to eachother (and mean it) should be able to, 'cuz it ain't easy.

4. It's unnatural.
Yeah? Well, I've been to something like 34 weddings, all of them hetero, and I can tell you there were a few that felt totally unnatural to me. Several of the ensuing marriages lasted less than a year. But, hey, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If you're straight, that is.

5. Homosexuality is a choice
So, maybe not a huge part of the actual marriage issue.....but it is. If you ever want to frost my cookies, tell me that gays choose to be gay. Why in the WORLD would anyone choose to have to put up with this bullshit from ignorant people for their whole lives? I don't believe you choose to be gay any more than you choose your eye color. It is no one's fault; it is not a depravity, it is a biological factor. We have no idea what it's like to grow up gay and to have to come to terms with that. The only choice you may have as a homosexual is accepting it, or ruining yourself trying to be something you're not. I grew up with a gay brother. I lived with him for 18+ years, and I still can't tell you what it was like for him. The only thing I know is that it was difficult and met with obstacles I will never have to face. You do not choose your sexuality. Being an intolerant asshole, on the other hand, is totally optional.

6. I don't want my kids to learn about homosexuality at school.
Kids will buy what their parents say until they grow up and meet other people. It's a pretty simple succession of things. For those who are claiming this is for your children, I hope that 15 years from now, when they're doing their American History homework and studying this period in time, that they ask you if you had anything to do with it. And when you tell them that you stood in the way of other people's happiness for their sake, I hope you know what to say if they look at you with a confused, embarassed, disappointed, "Why?"

I'm out of arguments. But something that is making me sad is that I'm noticing the bitterness evolving from this issue. And I can't blame them. There is a desperation born of consistant lack of success. I'm hearing about the ideas to propose a ban on all marriage. While this does not offend me in the slightest, it does scare me. I really hope it doesn't come to this. It will fail. I know it's only to make a point, but the problem with the people you're up against is that they consistantly miss the point. This will feed their perception that you are dangerous and unreasonable, and you're not; they are. I urge anyone who feels this way to use this energy elsewhere. They don't support you, then don't support them in ways that are feasible: in business, social circles, etc.

I don't understand exactly how you feel, but I can empathize. No one has a right to walk into your home and tell you you're wrong to have it, which is basically what happend with Prop. 8. How it is possible, in this day and age, to giveth then taketh away, is something I will never be able to fathom. It is the cruelist thing imaginable, and I'm sorry for anyone who understands what it feels like.

I hope you keep fighting, because I really believe you will win. And for those who are protesting gay marriage, I ask you to put down your signs and go home to the children you have the right to have. Stop trying to interfere with other people, and work on the marriage you're so adamantly defending. Go home and enjoy the life you're denying others.